Aizat have been oddly clingy to me, I suspect it to be because I shouted at him yesterday and it greatly affected him. I went out of what he understood, that I used to say me and the whole family loved him. I guess it didn't make sense that we did the opposite of what we told him. The world is a cruel place.

The reason I lashed at him the other day was because dad had been unfair on his distribution of love on his offsprings. But what does he know? Absolutely nothing about us and about what we like and... These people are simply incompetent.

Now that I look at my previous posts, I was also jealous about Adli being simply alive. Before that I thought he had a much more amazing and fulfilling life. And no offense to him, but he lives a live as incompetent as the others. Eventhough this makes me sound like a colossal assface, I know a hell lot more than these people. And I thought it was the other way around.

Incompetence?

Shit, now that I think about it, it's not really all that odd. We live in Malaysia, most people are not exposed to foreign media outside of what grants them social status. And mom and dad, Adli and Alia, Kinah and Aizat is much younger and sheltered than me. They AREN'T exposed to these ideologies AT ALL.

Ffff, actually, now that I know that, I'm the smartest of the lot! I can control what these people watch and what ideologies they can adopt! This is so exciting, a whole new, gigantic world awaits them.

I guess it wasn't really about knowing or not. It was the confidence, the feeling that you know a lot was missing in me, and everyone else seemed like they had.

So... what do I do now?