I don't wanna be here anymore

Well even after all these years trying to make them like me.

I will never be treated as good as him. Never ever. Since I was an autistic dissappointment. A fat one.

I don't hate myself. And I think I've made some pretty good decisions about my future. I won't kill myself.

It's just not worth it, I'm thinking of throwing in the towel. It just won't happen. I just plain hate this family. Every time I stay here I get so depressed and feel very squeamish. I need to move out. I don't wanna be here anymore. It's killing me.

I'll... I'll think of something

Not something unrealistic like moving out tomorrow. Something a bit more reasonable. Studying to get overseas so I have a good reason to not see them ever again. And then... I can just run away. Cut off all contacts, change my name. Start over and be free. Live the rest of my live in obscurity. I don't really care.